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Group Sex

Group sex usually requires some planning and preparation. Here are some rules that will help you do this. I doubt if this is definitive, and if anyone has anything more they'd like to add (especially personal experiences), please add comments below!

I think the rules here are not unlike the rules one would use for one-on-one sex play.

For emotional safety:

- Are you ready to see a lover pleasured by another person, and perhaps see that person experience more pleasure than s/he has experienced under your own caress? If you've experienced delight and/or been turned on seeing one's partner experience pleasure with a person other than yourself, and you know you can and will reliably experience it, then you're probably safe with this.

- Are you ready to be "left out" of a few minutes, or half an hour, or an hour, of the play time? I.e., can you be comfortable when the interest and the rhythms of play take the focus away from your pleasure and toward the pleasure of one or more other people in the scene? If so, you're probably going to be safe. Group sex has rhythms that roll around the participants; it's rare to have a constant and equitable distribution of attention in a group scene.

- Are you clear that "no means NO"? If not, you shouldn't be playing at a party. Hosts usually insist on a prior agreement to this simple principal, and begging, coercing, or puppy-dogging is not only frowned upon, but grounds for ejection. Clearly requested and clearly provided consent is the only kind of negotiation that should be permitted to lead to play.

Those are the main things that come to mind for emotional safety.

For STD safety, it's very much like what one would want to ensure when playing one-on-one, but moreso:

- Playing without latex or silicon barriers is just too unsafe with people you've never met before, and whose history you're unfamiliar with or uncertain of. Just don't do it. There's too many things that can happen -- from herpes to chlamydia to HPV, let alone the real nasties like HIV, resistant gonnorhea, or syphillis. It's just not worth the risk.

- Many sex parties have a very strong taboo supporting barriers and prohibiting non-barrier touch and body fluid exchange. It's not unusual in such parties to hear someone yell across the room, playfully yet seriously, "Ok, wrap that! Now!" when they see an unwrapped cock or an unbarriered pussy. Condoms and barriers and Saran Wrap (along with a selection of lubes to increase sensitivity when using them, and both dry and warm wet towels, etc.) are provided in large quantity for participants' use.

- There are also relatively safe sex parties where there is little or no latex, but where penetration and bodily fluid exchange is limited to partners who clearly consent, and who are assumed to be clear about their mutual history. There are also parties that are purely of the Jack-and-Jill variety, which are strictly limited to masturbation (both mutual and self), in which semen is spilled and pussies are splashed in, but there's absolutely no mixing of any fluids.

- Toy hygiene is also important. The cleaning of appliances (dildoes, Sybian attachments, etc.) both before and after use is important. Diluted bleach solutions are the typical cleaning agent of choice. Condoms are typically stretched over any toy that's used in insertion, and then used once and changed for the next user.

- There should be lots of condoms around because "one use" means one use! Not only should you use the condom just once, but with only one person. STDs are easier to pass from person to person otherwise, especially thrush.

Some concluding thoughts:

- Many party hosts have a very strict prohibition on the use of drugs or alcoholic beverages by participants, and a strict non-intoxication rule, because of concerns about consent *and* concerns about adherence to safety rules.

- In non-casual settings, where you know your partners well, and are certain that they're safe and clean, there can be wonderful wet and hot exchanges of body fluids that can be mind-blowing. But you need to be sure about it!

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